Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
