1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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