He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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