I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
