I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
