So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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