It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
