I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
