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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
