Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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