dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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