I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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