The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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