that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
