Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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