no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
