I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
