all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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