I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
