wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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