my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
