I CAN MOONWALK!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
