Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can I color on your dick again?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
