ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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