yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
