I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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