he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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