I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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