just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
