don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
