i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
