Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
