But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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