You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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