After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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