1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
