South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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