So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
