you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
