First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
