He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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