i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
