Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
