im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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