awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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