I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
