It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
