I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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