But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
