soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
