omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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